Evolving

I want to evolve and change into what I believe I can be. What that is, no one knows except me and I don't know now. I just know a direction I want to try to see if I ‘m any good at it. Writing has always been a hobby of mine and I want to try again to do something lasting. Maybe this is my ego's shot at posterity, but I have to do it. I seem drawn to it like a horse to water. I would like to write a book about awareness and coming of age in an enlightened age. Maybe I'm the last one to start, but I'm a leaper and I learn fast. During my first 50 years, I didn't learn much, but I had a good time. Maybe that was part of my reason for being here, but now it's changing and I want more than the tic toc hum drum world I can physically see when I'm conscious. I like my dreams better when I remember them. It's funny about falling in holes and letting your ego get carried away. The coincidences of life can be dealt with. The moment I let the market go, I got a job offer. It's like the moment I realized what I was doing to myself with all this negative reinforcement and decided to let it go, things got better in a hurry. Now, all kinds of people are begging to help me. Why didn't I recognize my folly before? Stupidity, in a word, mixed with pride. I was an investor and proud of it. Now I'm not. It's called getting on with life. I spent enough time in this hole in the ground and on this particular street. I could have gotten out at any time, my ego would not let me, due to extremely false pride. I was never any good at investing. I'm good at engineering and stone cutting and I love to solve problems. I am also a good writer, and getting better all the time. My wife is my teacher and she is a good teacher too. She knows me pretty well and can always tell when I am kidding myself. She keeps me honest, maybe that is her purpose for being here, besides being talented, creative and beautiful. Yes, she grows more beautiful with age. Maybe I didn't notice it before, but I do now. Her friends are all looking old now, but she's still young at heart and in body. She still looks good in her birthday suit. This has been a long tantrum for a grown up to have. I guess it's better that I wake up now, than never. The wake up call is late, but not out of the realm of possibilities. It's time to stop beating myself up for the market and get on with something that let's me be peaceful.

I've spoken about this before and I just got more of the picture. Living in the now is like becoming the universe which ceases to function in every moment to come back into existence brand new in the next. All we have to hold onto is the experience of life itself. As we are all connected, it should be easy to reach out and touch someone else, but our stories prevent us from doing that. If we let our bodies judge what is best for us without the use of the ego, we would be fine. The trick f it all is to let it be, as it is it is fine. Being with it, wondering about life, having lifeblood curse through our veins, and feeling it do so is one of the greatest pleasures around. Becoming an observer of it all and leaving it as we found it seems to be preferable to stomping on it until it is lifeless. Become a game player to be fully alive in every sense of the word. The universe is here to enjoy above all other things so enjoy the process of living and dying every moment. If you don't like the life you're living create another more to your liking and enjoy that. You create your mind pattern, which in turn creates your DNA, so change now. In every moment, there is a rebirth of life itself, take the opportunity now, become the process of life consciously. Notice photosynthesis as it is happening for instance and grow with the tree of life. Reach out into life itself, not to judge with your mind but to feel the energy of it all, the pulse of life is in the experience of it. Experience is feeling your body as it goes through life. Take the time a to notice and there will be all kinds of time for you to experience. Try not to hold onto much in this life as it will by necessity shut of the observer in you. Try to be as philosophically light in this life as possible for your stories trap you in the linear kind of life that you all too late recognize as what you did not want at all. The more you have to justify in this life, the more you let your real life slip right by.